What’s the point. What am I trying to do ?

wHY2I guess there are two main points to this blog.

One is to try and understand my life. Wow, that’s quite deep! It’s not meant to be but at fifty plus, I guess I’m trying to sort my cupboards out a bit. They’re full of junk, some of which needs tiding up and and re-evaluating as it’s just been thrown in over the past 5 decades, and some of it just plain needs chucking out altogether. They are cram packed and I need more room to keep the new stuff that the next phase of my life will likely throw up. So, by writing it up here, I can go through my collection of stuff, reflect on it, see how I now feel about it and maybe learn from it. Maybe I can use it to make a plan, a new plan for going forward. Or maybe I’ll decide there is freedom to be found in not making plans.

I’m guessing that I’m not alone in this. That there are many others in exactly the same frame of mind or stage of their life. One thing I have been awed to find in my journey so far is that no matter how unique I think I am, what a weirdo I must be to have such and such a thought, or how noble I feel in myself to have had another thought or action, I’m not alone at all and that what I thought was a flaw or a gem in my personality is shared my millions of others. Comedians have a great way of expressing this in their comic observations and you realize you ain’t that special after all.

The second reason is to share somethings that may help others who are struggling with their place in this thing we call life. Things that have helped me, thoughts that have struck me that make me feel less self critical, even if they have passed. I’ve read maybe an unhealthy load of stuff in the past few years from scientists and philosophers  and spiritualist all with the aim of trying to find a reason for how life is (I was going to say my life but maybe that’s shortsighted). I’ve had ideas and theories of my own long before before I got more involved in the search, and some of these have been reinforced by what I’ve taken in in the last six years.

Apparently, Buddha said that life was suffering and I can see that. I can also see that it’s only personal suffering, everyone else seems to be doing fine, but there’s a kind of built in contradiction to that idea if you think about it.

I’ve read a lot, I’ve listened a lot, I’ve had a lot of ideas of my own, I’ve changed my mind a lot, I’ve changed it back a lot, I’m still struggling a lot, I’ve also found a lot of little islands of peace among the seas of stress, and boy are they wonderful when you make landfall and like everything else in life they also pass so I look for new ones. What has worked for me may work for you. What hasn’t worked for me may work for you.

Some of the stuff I’ve read has been extremely lengthy with lot’s of references to other literature for further reading. I won’t be doing that for two reasons

1: I’m not organised enough and my memory is so – so. Anything that make it to the page will be as best as I can recall it honestly.

2: Anything I relate can probably be found on google and you can make your own mind up as to whether I’m close enough.

3: ( I told you I was not organised) I get bored half way through long books – you may do too.

Like I said, I keep changing my mind so I’ll keep this post on the first page and will probably keep changing it too.

Treat what follows as a sort of pick ‘n mix. Use what you need and dump the rest. Share it if you feel the need.

I hope we can all get something out of this. I hope we can all come to realise how special we are.


to be continued

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